This is Part 2 of a two-part series on what Kambaba Jasper is and does. Part 1 is a rundown of what the stone is and does (you can see that here). This part will cover my personal experience with using the stone. Please note that this is not scientific and my results apply to my own self only. Your experience may (and probably will) differ.
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The following is a journal of my work with Kambaba Jasper. If you want to skip right to my results, click here.
If you want to skip to my recommendations for working with Kambaba Jasper, click here.
Day 1 – Packing
I don’t know what to bring on a camping trip. I’m relying on my family to bring essentials, but maybe I shouldn’t? The weather looks terrible (40 degrees at night, which is terrible to me but normal to Michigan people). I also have to bring my own blankets, and I cannot forget my crystal. That’s all I have packed so far.
Day 2 – A Camping Recap
This is technically Day 4ish, but I didn’t have time to write while I was gone. The campsite was beautiful and overall it was a great time. I got to spend time with a family member I never see and we got along really well.
When I got home, I fell into a deep depression, which led me to research why I always tank after spending time with family, even if it’s a good time. While I didn’t find any scientific articles or anything, I found this really helpful comment on a Quora question:
“Depression is caused by anger we feel we don’t have a right to.” That comment hit me so hard I had to walk from room to room for a while to let it settle into my head.
I didn’t get to “work” with my Kambaba Jasper a lot, but I did have some moments of pure fun and peace, which was nice.
Day 3 – Summer
This is always my favorite time of year. My state gets 10 months of cold, grey weather and 2 months of beauty. As much as I love it, I always feel stressed and pressured to ‘make every moment count,’ because I know I’ll regret it once it’s gone.
Today I only had time to park my car near a pond/swamp and get out for a few minutes. It was early in the morning and I watched turtles emerge onto the rocks, stretching their necks out into the sun. A duck family swam in a diligent line. Frogs yelled at each other and bugs hovered in the air. It was a beautiful moment and I soaked it in as much as I can. We have a week of rain coming up, so I’m going to think back on that moment at the swamp when I need it.
I found a cute little sheep/ram toy in the parking lot:
I researched what a ram means symbolically. According to this site, “Ram shows up as your totem to remind you that new beginnings are on the horizon. Take some initiative to begin, but don’t drag your feet. Grab opportunities when they present themselves. Ram teaches you to trust your inner abilities and not to give in to a fear of failure.”
Day 4 – Ego Death
I’ve never heard of Ego Death but I’m pretty sure this is what happened (or is happening) and I think it’s been a slow death for some time now.
Yesterday I was in a horrible mood. Everything I read or saw, I felt combative. “Is this really true?’ “No way that’s true,” etc. It got to a point where I stopped doing anything but listening to ambient music and looking out the window, and I just started crying. Everything was wrong. But I’m part of everything, so I’m also wrong.
I started thinking about every negative interaction I’ve ever had, where I was *sure* I was right. I made myself see how I was wrong, and/or how I could have done better. This realization was painful and I felt terrible about myself. I wallowed in despair about what a terrible person I am for way too long. At some point, I came to a realization that yes, I’m wrong and terrible, but so is everyone else. This means the opposite is also true. If other people are good and kind and just trying to do their best, the same is true for me. We have all made mistakes and we are all learning and growing.
Eventually I felt (or heard?) a message: You cannot truly love anyone else before you love yourself.
Well, shit. I haven’t even liked myself in years, so this also explains why my attitude has been so terrible for so long. I’ve isolated myself and watched the news too much. Everyone is scary, opinions are angry, people are terrible and it’s better to avoid them all. I’ve worn this mentality for several years now, like a rusty shell of armor overgrown with mud and buildup.
I felt pieces of it chip away, instantly lighter and brighter. I did nothing all day but hold my Jasper, listen to music and think.
There are 7 stages to an ego death, and I feel like I’m currently on 6 or 7. I’m really not trying to brag, and I considered not even writing about this, but if you look over the history of this blog, I feel like it shows my process of Step 5, soul growth. I’m learning what does and doesn’t work for me and writing about it here.
I don’t know; I don’t want this to sound like I’m saying “I’m officially enlightened!” because I don’t feel that way. Most of yesterday was hard; it wasn’t a euphoric realization. Rather, it was months (or years) of dragging it out, continually searching for answers, wandering aimlessly through my upbringing and unlearning what I was taught. People aren’t inherently against me. No one is rooting for me to fail. That realization alone is big enough for a whole post, but right now I’m just mentally spent.
Day 5 – Rabbits
There were 8 young rabbits along my commute today. Rabbits have always been my messenger animal, so I’m happy to see them out enjoying life.
I feel mentally exhausted from yesterday. I don’t want to do anything today but since all I did yesterday was kill my ego, I have a million things to get done. My ego isn’t really dead, I know this. Still, I feel like I just got new glasses. Everything seems a little more clear. I can receive information and just let it be; I don’t have to constantly be one step ahead. Hopefully this will last, but I know it’s a process.
I swore I wouldn’t buy more crystals until I’ve worked with all of the ones I have, but this one is different. It’s a Green Onyx Mortar and Pestle, so it’s *useful*. I’m starting to cook more and I figured I could lure myself into liking it by adding crystals.
Day 6 – Calm
I feel so weird. Like out of my own body. Every thought I have, I analyze it carefully. The person driving in front of me was annoyingly slow. My natural reaction is irritation and thinking of jokes I would say about them. Now, I think that, but then I also think “What if this isn’t their car and they’re not used to driving it? What if they have a fish tank or a plant in the front seat and need to drive carefully?”
While this may seem like I’ve transcended onto another mental level, it’s also exhausting and annoying. I’m annoyed that I can’t just think thoughts anymore. Yes, maybe that person has a reason to drive like a douchebag. Why is that my problem, though? But then, that thought is replaced by “It’s not your problem, you are making it a problem.” Which is in and of itself annoying, because I don’t want to constantly have to overanalyze everything I think.
Oddly, there is a sense of calm with it. The idea that at least half of my daily worries or annoyances are solely my own doing. I can let those go, I just have to work at it. It’s a process, and it’s going to take a long time to unlearn an entire life of anger and cynicism. It took millions of years for this Kambaba Jasper to be made. Millions of years for it to form, be found, be shaped, and find its way to me. I am willing to put in the work to be a kinder, more peaceful person. The annoying part will become less annoying as I grow.
I still feel very much like a garbage bag of a human being, so hopefully that will change soon.
Day 7 – Rebirth
Last night, one of my parents called to tell me they might have to evict me from the house I rent from them. Due to their divorce, they may lose it and I may need to look into options. I calmly responded “ok” and said goodbye. I went to sleep very early because I didn’t know what else to do.
This morning, I awoke to my other parent standing over me, screaming and crying because I hadn’t responded to their text. Last night after I went to sleep, they texted “are you okay.” I didn’t respond, and thus they drove to my house, drove onto my lawn, jumped my privacy fence and came in the back door. I normally lock the back door, but I forgot last night because I went to bed early.
I remained calm and asked this parent to leave. They did, and I went back to sleep.
Okay but seriously, what is going on? A year ago, I would have freaked out at both of these situations. Now, I’m like “maybe moving would be a good idea, and this might be the perfect opportunity.”
I’m not even worried if it will last. I’m just enjoying it while it’s here. If I go back to the old me, at least I’ll have had this experience.
Right now I’m watching a large, green and black spider spinning a web right next to me. I’m sitting outside, enjoying the summer breeze. The spider does not scare me; in fact I feel a sort of kinship and respect for it. The breeze blows its web, but it remains steady. Knowing that it can build its web anywhere must be satisfying. If you can make your own safety net, you can land anywhere.
This spider will also keep mosquitos away, so I’m happy to have it here with me. Like seriously though a year ago I would have immediately gone inside and not come out for the rest of the summer.
Of course, the main question is: Did Kambaba Jasper cause these changes?
One of several things I’ve learned from these crystal experiments is that it’s a process. The entire process of working with crystals, reflecting, working to solve specific problems, failing or succeeding, it’s all compounded together.
However, I’ve also learned to give credit where it’s due. When I worked with Labradorite, I had a breakdown that led me to finally coming to terms with my addiction. While I definitely think Labradorite helped, the breakdown was a culmination of all of the work I had done before. Every crystal has paved the way, so to speak, and they continue to do so as long as I work with them.
Kambaba Jasper helped me survive a camping trip, break down my ego, and become more at peace with my life. Was it solely responsible? Of course not. But it was an important addition along the way.
Here are my recommendations for working with Kambaba Jasper:
- Spend as much time in nature as possible. Even if you can only enjoy the patch of grass in a parking lot, being mindful about it will help you connect.
- Journal your thoughts, and/or journal specifically about what you’re trying to achieve with Kambaba Jasper.
- Meditate while holding it. Use nature meditations or just simple mindful ones.
- Do yoga with it, specifically mindful yoga, root chakra yoga or heart chakra yoga.
I have no idea what to recommend in order to have an ego death. I still don’t even know if that’s what I had. All I can suggest is that it is a process, and that if you want that to happen, working with crystals is a good first start.
If you want to work with Kambaba Jasper yourself, I have free worksheets you can use for journaling:
If you want to buy some for yourself, here are some spheres:
Please Note: I do not know if these are authentic Kambaba Jasper or Nebula Stone. If you want to make sure you’re getting the real deal, please research your seller. The Crystal Council has them here.